I remember feeling threatened for many years in youth ministry. If students gravitated towards another adult instead of me, I was threatened. If kids would talk about the old youth leader or the glory days, threatened. If parents suggested another way of doing things that differed from my view, threatened. If one of our students went to another youth ministry to visit and told me how cool their youth director was, threatened.
Over breakfast this morning I was trying to figure out why I always felt so threatened. As I like to do on this blog, I will self diagnose myself for the world to see (in bullet points of course)
* I saw myself as a camp counselor instead of a coach. Camp counselors use words like “my kids” and they feel responsible for every aspect of the lives of those who stay in their cabin. If a youth director acts like a camp counselor then they can love 7 kids well and forget about parents and volunteers.
* I thought all moms were smother mothers and their greatest concern was whether or not the church van had seat belts or why their daughter had to wear a one-piece bathing suit on a mission trip.
* I didn’t trust God.
* With my personality, I have noticed that I have to run smack into a wall in order to truly ask for help from the Lord and from those he has placed in my life. This is a rough way to live, but I often have to touch the stove to realize it is hot even though my mother told me a million times that it was hot.
So now what? In no way do I have it figured out, but I’ve learned a few lessons. My first “Ah-hah” moment was at my first church when I was feeling tired and ineffective. For the first time I stood in the back of the room at a Sunday night program and all of the people I had surround myself with were leading music, teaching, sound, food, welcoming others and doing every other job that used to be “mine.” I was so tired from running the “Nate Show” that my eyes filled with tears as I watched the Body of Christ be the Body of Christ. I just had to stand in the back of the room.