Recently it seems that divorce in the Christian community around me has gotten out of control. Why? Have we (the church) helped prepare people for Godly, healthy marriages?
It is my observation that we in youth ministry focus on specific issues like pre-marital sex, dating, lust and we put much less focus on marriage.
“If you aim for nothing,
you’ll hit it every time”.
During a sermon today on marriage based on Ephesians 5 , I began to realize that this was a hugely important sermon for teenagers to hear and discuss. (I’ll post the sermon as soon as it is online) Do they really know what they are aiming for? Or are they just trying to obey a long list of do nots and should nots?
I think the reason I haven’t used the word “marriage” a bunch with teenagers has something to do with pushing them to grow up faster than they already are. I just didn’t want them to freak out about their future more than they already do.
Adolescents will benefit greatly if we paint the full picture of marriage in our teaching as painted in Genesis 2, Ephesians 5 to name a few. Our teenagers will benefit even more if people like you and I not only teach but live out our marriages in a way that honors Christ. (Teaching is easy, living out our teachings is where it gets tough)
Nate Stratman 
April 4, 2011 at 7:21 am
Most teens aren’t in a place where marriage is imminent, but most are contemplating having sex (if not already engaging in it) and that’s why I think we spend more time on sex talks vs. marriage talks. I think we need both messages presented together and separately.
April 4, 2011 at 8:42 am
I totally agree that “sex” is a more pressing issue and that topic will stay on the front burner. I guess my “ah hah” moment was “do they really know what they are aiming for long term and not just short term?”
April 4, 2011 at 10:29 am
I think you are right! I am a therapist and see so many teens that are wanting relationships to “just have someone to love them.” so many of the young children I see can’t even play family correctly because they don’t have a male role model in the home. I think it is so important for us to show others how to have a successful marriage, not a perfect marriage (there is no such creature), but a successful one.
April 4, 2011 at 5:38 pm
Do you, as a married person, now wish that when you were in high school, Kevin (and other awesome youth leaders you had) would have helped you set your sights on marriage and approached that topic instead of pre-marital sex, dating, lust, etc? If so, how do you think that would that have helped shape your views of those topics?
April 4, 2011 at 6:03 pm
Well I’m a special case because I didn’t hear much but had friend who actually listened and responded to what they heard. For me I would say much of my college christian experience was “DON’T DON’T DON’T” which was a bit stunting to my spiritual growth and especially my view of women.
I know that kids aren’t begging me to teach on marriage like they do about Sex or the End Times, but I still feel like talking about purity without continually teaching on marriage is a warped view of relationships.
April 4, 2011 at 6:15 pm
I agree with Katie, but then wonder, at what point should it be taught then? When would it be considered “imminent”? I can’t say I remember one Sunday school/Bible study lesson on marriage (besides no pre-marital sex), even in college where it was (where I lived, anyway) much more imminent. Thankfully we both had some great examples in our lives in our own parents, and for me personally, a particular youth pastor. I can, though, still remember a few specific wisdom nuggets about marriage that stuck with me, even from Jr. High, that remembered through dating to deciding to get married. I feel like even though it wasn’t particularly “imminent” as a teen, it was still very relevant to me in that I learned a reverence toward marriage and was craving wisdom in how to approach that beast, even from 10 years out.
Especially when considering the media’s portrayal of marriage including things like “true love” “soul mates” “happily ever after” “you complete me”…
April 4, 2011 at 7:20 pm
I guess where I struggle with the “imminent” piece is if we only taught to what was in front of their faces and not down the road, we end up shortchanging them in the long road.
So in summary, keep teaching on sex and add several more scoops of marriage.
April 5, 2011 at 8:53 am
I remember sitting around a campfire at Young Life camp at age 15. One of the leaders told our group of girls that after 12 years of marriage, her heart still goes flip flop when she sees her husband. I remember thinking to myself even then….really? Is that realistic? and is it even helpful?